Mama didn't tell me...

I grew up an only child and therefore missed out on a lot of the dynamics you find in a large family. Well, I'm not missing out anymore. But here is a short list of the things my mom neglected to mention. Partly because she'd forgotten; partly because I'm sure I wouldn't have listened in the first place.


Siblings will fight 24/7 about nothing in particular if you let them.

Children's voices have the knack of making a grown woman cry if they hit a certain pitch. Especially if the woman has a headache to begin with.

Male children are just as emotional -- and sometimes more so -- than female children.

While teen girls get bitchy one week a month, boys can lose it whenever they want. There is little or no warning. No chance to prepare and seek shelter.

When one child is gone -- no matter which child -- the noise level is reduced in half; the number of fights reduced by 1/3; boredom level rises by 1/5.

When all else fails, bribe them for some peace a quiet. You know you will, so let's make it 'legal', shall we?

Having more than one child is an adventure. Having more than three is a zoo. Good thing I like zoos. ;)

You will love your children more than anything; you will never, ever stop being their mother; you will never stop worrying about them.

You will forever be known as so-and-so's mom. And honestly, that's not such a bad identity to have. ;)

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With

Sunglasses on and point Hair Dryer At Passing Cars.

See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise

Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask

If They Want Fries with That.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It

"In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once

Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions,

Switch To Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For

Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With

The Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat

with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To

Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems

Don't Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And

Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You

Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The

Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your

Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I

Won!, I Won!"

18.

When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The

Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're

Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The

Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......

Send This list to Someone To Make

Them Smile.