We've come a long way, baby....?

I grew up in the 70s and 80s. Well, as much as I've actually matured, shall we say? ;)

While I'm all for 'equal pay for equal work' and letting men and women choose their occupations, etc, there's still something that bugs me. Let me say, from the outset, that I do NOT consider myself a feminist. I'm a woman. A wife. A mother -- often that job is first and foremost when it comes to my time and attention. I'm also a friend. A writer. A hard worker. And a dreamer.

I believe men and women are equally important in this world and in the grand scheme of things. I do not, however, believe that we are equal in everything. Men and women are inherently different in many ways -- mentally, emotionally and physically.

Not all women are the same, either. Some are nurturers at heart... but not all women carry that trait. Some men are heroic warriors, yet not all are good on the battlefront. It doesn't make them any less womanly or manly. It makes us unique individuals, as intended.

I'm proud of who I am. I also know, however, that I have a long way to go before I become everything I'm capable of being. What worries me, however, is the direction many women of the coming generation seem to be going.

I heard all about the 60s and 'free love' ... sorry, folks, but nothing, NOTHING on this earth is free. I also heard about being liberated and that if it was okay for men to have multiple sex partners -- than, hell yes! It must be okay for the women, as well.

I personally, am very old-fashioned when it comes to sexuality. I am also very conservative when it comes to relationships. But that's beside the point. My questions to women -- especially the younger women today -- are these:

When did become okay to exploit your body for all the world to see? Is this really what the women of the liberation movement fought for? To see their daughters or granddaughters half-naked and performing for any man who cares to look? Is this truly liberation and freedom ... or are women still allowing themselves to be used?

In my most humble opinion, this is not the way to garner true respect. This is not the way to gain liberation or freedom, for you are simply becoming a thing to be drooled over; lusted after; joked about. Sure, you have their attention, but for how long?

I have three daughters and two sons -- I don't want any of them to witness some of the displays of skin and sex that I've seen recently. Someone posted a photo of a doll, in a bikini, attached to the antenna of a truck like a pole-dancer. What does this tell anyone who sees it? Well, it tells me that the person in that vehicle doesn't respect women. They are seen as things, not human beings with minds and feelings.

Is that what young woman of today really want? Attention at all costs? Lust instead of love? Leering instead of respect?

You can be beautiful, ladies, without showing every inch of skin possible. You can be sexy without being crude and cheap. You can have respect from others -- if you show respect for yourselves.

I only hope more young woman start to care.

Christmas lists...

I now know why Santa checks his list twice. I've had to check mine at least ten times to remember what I've bought for who!

But I wanted to share my other list with you this year. My list of things I love about Christmas:

1. The reminder of all the blessings I've been given in my life, especially the blessing of my faith. Life would be unbearable without it.

2. Christmas music -- there are so many lovely carols and songs. They always brighten my mood.

3. Christmas lights -- those are my favorite decorations. I love lights -- the colors, the twinkling, the way they brighten the dark winter nights.

4. Toy stores -- I love the kind of store that sells a million cool things that you never, ever see on television. Unfortunately, those unique stores are few and far between these days.

5. Christmas cookies -- I'm a regular cookie monster. ;) But simple, cut-out sugar cookies are my fave after chocolate chip.

6. Good will -- I like how this season reminds us all to think of others and to actually DO something for them. Only wish we could all think like this year round.

7. The smells of Christmas, including cinnamon, pine trees, and gingerbread. Oh, and don't forget baking ham! Yum!

8. Christmas movies and specials. My favorites include: A Christmas Carol with George C. Scott; Scrooge with Albert Finney; A Christmas Story; A Charlie Brown Christmas; and You've Got Mail.

9. Fudge... it's one of the few times a year that we make homemade fudge. Which is probably a good thing. ;)

& 10. My favorite thing about Christmas... the looks on the faces of my children when they see the tree Christmas morning and while they open their presents. I revel in the pure joy I see in their smiles... in their eyes.

I hope each of you finds something to rejoice in this holiday season. Be happy, be loving, be blessed.

~~Meg

Blogging today...

At Beyond the Veil...

Come take a peek. :)

Fired up...again

Many authors across the web are participating in what is termed NaNoWri ... National Novel Writing Month. The goal: to write 50k -- the size of a small book or the start of a longer one -- in one month.

If you've ever written a novel, you can probably understand why some of us look at that goal and laugh nervously. Writing is not for sissies. Pushing yourself to write 50k in one month is somewhat masochistic. You can either fly or crash and burn. Hopefully most will at least wind up somewhere in between.

While I haven't been officially participating, seeing others post their goals and accomplishments has given me an incentive I've sorely needed to get seriously writing again. To treat it as a job, instead of a hobby seems to be the most important step for me, personally.

No, my word count isn't impressive, but my motivation is still strong. Just have to get into the groove with my new part-time job, and wait for myself and the family to recover from the recent bout of illness that's knocked us all on our butts.

The other bit of motivation I've had recently has been the wonderful review DREAM WALK received from Romantic Times magazine. I'm pleased to say that the novel was rated with 4 Stars by the reviewer. Here's a bit of her praise:

"Readers looking for a great new paranormal series need look no further. Allison
opens up a whole new world with her sensational Sentinels series." —Gail Pruszkowski

Yay! This is my first RT review and I'm hoping it will encourage readers to pick up a copy and give The Sentinels a chance. Besides, it's just so wonderful when someone appreciates what you've created. This alone fires me up to finish that second book. Hang on folks, it's coming!

So what helps motivate you when you've lost some of your spark?

A dose of reality

What I can possibly say when most of us are still reeling and/or shaking our heads regarding the news this week? As of this morning, we've uncovered one 'new' serial killer -- not the anti-hero, Dexter type, I'm sad to say; a bizarre kidnapping plot; and have faced the fact that not even secure facilities are secure... and sometimes the craziest ones among us might be the ones trying to heal our pain. :\ My thoughts and prayers are with all those affected by the horrors in both Ohio and at Fort Hood.

Yes, as you can probably deduce, I've had a bit too much reality this week. It reminds me not only why I don't enjoy watching the news, but why we're becoming so isolated from one another even as we spend hours on the Internet. Stranger danger has never had a more provocative meaning.

Reality is, however, something we have to face. Meet head-on at times. Even overcome or fight to change. But how do we keep our own mental health from hitting rock bottom in the meantime? It differs, I think, from person to person.

It runs the gamut of those who get out there and help to others who curl up in the fetal position and wait for it all to blow over. Then there's people like me who simply turn off the news and grab a good book...or play a game...or connect with friends and my family. I do face reality, but in small doses... or at least until my brain and heart reach the point of saturation. Then I delve back into make-believe.

Either way, I'm one of those who likes to be in control of their world. When I can't be -- which is often the case -- then I tend to get a bit overwhelmed. But I've figured out ways to deal with that stress so my family doesn't have to suffer my bad moods.

Recently I went so far as to turn on TV-Land and the Andy Griffith Show. Ah, to be in Mayberry again, sitting on the porch with Aunt Bea as I eat a big hunk of apple pie. How I'd love to laze with Andy and Opie at the old fishin' hole, just whittling the hours away in peace and quiet.

All I can say is that this week has reminded me that old-fashioned ideas and out-dated notions aren't necessarily a bad thing. In a perfect reality, neighbors would be friends -- they'd look out for each other; depend on each other without a thought and never regret it. In a perfect reality, my children wouldn't even know the term 'serial killer', and that would be okay. In a perfect reality, the bad guys would wear the black hats so we'd know, on sight, who we could trust.

Ah, but reality is never perfect. Which is partly why I read fiction... and write romance. I have control over that world, at least.

Halloween '09

Today is actually Halloween, but we had our church's trunk or treat last night. It was wonderful! So many people turned out and there were many cute costumes. Here's some pics of my own clan of spookies. We love Halloween ... the dressing up... the candy... the creepiness of it all. But I do NOT like slasher movies or gore, so we try to keep our costumes to the cute/pretty/creepy categories.

Celtic Elf
Red from www.forthewicked.net
Rock Star
The whole gang
Greek Philosopher
Egyptian Servant
'Headless' Horseman

Hope everyone has a safe and Happy Halloween!

Birthday present!

It's my birthday, but I'm giving away the gift!

A wonderful conincidence came about when the editors at the Samhellion scheduled my own Halloween freebie to go live today! So I get to give all my readers -- and hopefully some new readers -- a small gift. :)

Follow the link and then the instructions -- just one small hoop, but it's easy, I promise.

Happy Halloween, everyone!

Write what you know???

One of the very first pieces of advice I ever heard regarding writing fiction was the simple statement: "Write what you know."

Okay, sure, on the surface it seems simple. Logical. Then follows the assumption that the only way to truly know something is to have lived it. Ah, yeah... I really don't think anyone wants to read about a stay-at-home mom with five kids. Hey, I could be wrong, but my life is not that interesting. Happy, but rather dull -- just the way I like it. ;)

So, does this mean if I haven't been an astronaut or a CIA agent, then I probably won't write a believable story about either? Okay, no, I do not plan to write anything set at NASA and I've done the later already... SECRETS AND SHADOWS. But I've never been a secret agent. I truly doubt any of the writers who have penned a romance including a spy hero or heroine ever worked for the FBI. I could be wrong.

If you do enough of the right kind of research, as a writer you should be capable of creating anything and making your reader believe in it. I've never been to Ireland, but I wrote a story set there -- ALAINA'S PROMISE. Reviewers and readers alike praised the book. One wrote how she 'fell in love' with the country and its people by reading that novel.

That was a case where my research combined with talent paid off. :) Does that mean I hit the mark? In some ways, yes. But few readers have ever been to 1870s Ireland, so I doubt I'll ever know how accurate my descriptions were.

All this said, I do feel there are some things you cannot simply read about and then write well. The foremost would be emotions. If I had never been in love, I'm not sure I could ever write a romance. Maybe I could read someone else's book and then repeat back the sensations and feelings conveyed. But even then, using my own words, I don't think it would ring true. You have to understand or have felt something before you can describe it to someone else. Otherwise, it's like trying to explain snow to someone who has never seen it when you've only seen it in a picture. You're missing way too much.

Yes, there are many other emotions involved in my writing. Despite popular opinion, romances are not all about the sex.

There's anger, deep hatred, lust, fear, greed, envy, sadness and depression. I have experienced each and every one of them -- plus others -- at some point in my life. Therefore, yes, I can write a murder scene and make you feel the anger of the killer or the fear of the victim. Have I ever killed anyone? Obviously not -- unless you count the occasional insect or two. But I have a basis in understanding those feelings I think might be involved. I can and do imagine the rest.

So I will add my own two cents of advice to the sage: "Write what you know." ... Go out and experience life. Find out what it's like to be a true friend; to fall in love. Discover every positive emotion ... and learn to control the destructive ones. But learn to feel... for without feelings, there is little point to living or writing.

Then when you want to write a story... a really good story... you'll understand your characters more thoroughly, and even the most mundane setting or character can be made riveting and real. Almost anything beyond your normal experiences can be found during research. A true writer can imagine or create the rest.

Archetype or stereotype?

I've loved all the recent posts on Shades of Suspense. Particularly the last regarding archetypes. It really got me thinking, which may or may not be a good thing. ;)

My main concern as a writer: How do I effectively use an archetype without it becoming a stereotype?

Just so we're all on the same page, here's how Dictionary.com defines the word stereotype:

noun

1. a process... for making metal printing plates by taking a mold of composed type or the like in papier-mâché or other material and then taking from this mold a cast in type metal.

2 & 3 are more of the same and then we reach...

4. Sociology. a simplified and standardized conception or image invested with special meaning and held in common by members of a group...

I suppose that, by this last definition, it is possible to turn any one of our standard character archetypes into stereotypes. It depends largely on the writer ... and perhaps the reader, as to what type of characters catch on. For many years the most popular archetype -- at least in category romance -- seemed to be the beautiful, virginal, sweet and naive heroine.

Let's take one of the heroine archetypes for an example: The Boss. Now how many of you have either read a book or seen a movie/tv show with a female boss character? Many times that character is depicted as the power-hungry witch who cares for no one. So, in that sense, an archetype becomes a stereotype.

Any romance lover knows, however, that her personality is going to have to soften or change completely before we can dub The Boss as the heroine of the piece. After all, not many of us cheer for the corporate raider who grinds her stilettos into anyone who gets in the way. See? Stereotyped, all the way. ;) We do cheer for the underdog secretary or the quiet mouse in the steno pool. Ummm... do they even have steno pools anymore?

Ah, but I digress.

It's obvious that few of us are any of those archetypes in whole. We all have different faucets to our personalities. Sometimes we just might be that Boss Lady with attitude; at others, we are the nurturers who take care of others because their trials bring out our soft sides. We can be any and all of these women -- and so should our characters if we want them to be three-dimensional.

Now this thought-process has been with me for a while as I climb my way back up from the bottom of one rejection and fight to finish another book. My thanks to Jerri Drennen for actually putting it all out there at SOS for me to see and ponder anew. :)

I've been contemplating the whole idea of character because I worry that my characters are bordering on stereotyped status. Am I re-writing the same hero and heroine over and over? What about my villains? A simple change of name, nationality or hair color will not do the trick.

There is nothing more riveting than a story with three-dimensional beings at center stage. THOSE are the stories I want to write. I want a heroine to whom I can relate on some level. I want a hero with whom I can fall in love. I want a villain who I can curse ... and yet, one that draws a bit of sympathy from me, as well. The latter isn't an easy thing to create.

I think the most difficult character I've written to-date has been the sister of my DREAM WALK heroine. At first she seemed to simply be the bitch who did nothing but party and sleep around -- and in the beginning of the story, in the beginning of my thought process, she was exactly that. But then I kept writing... and I let the characters speak to me.

I wondered: "Why is she like this? What made her so different from her sister?"

She told me. In a writing session where the words poured like a waterfall, she helped me understand her rather complex personality. And so I began to actually like that character a bit more. She softened right before my eyes. It was an amazing experience.

Will she ever be the heroine, herself? Not sure. I still have issues with her, personally. ;) But at least I know she's not a one-dimensional party-girl secondary anymore. She became much more sympathetic, at least in my eyes.

So maybe I do know the secret of keeping those characters from becoming stereotypes, after all! Just put your hands on the keyboard... and listen. ;)

Beyond Algebra

I'm really not what I call a math person. Sometimes the mere mention of a word problem such as "If Train A leaves Chicago at three..." will make my brain freeze up like an icepop in the Arctic. My forte is words. Numbers... yeah, well, we have a love/hate relationship.

However, give me a good math book and I can usually figure things out. Especially if they have a lot of examples. I find an example that looks similar and then try to work the problem by those steps. Easy, right? Um, no. Not always.

So when it comes to home schooling, I've had many rough teaching and/or tutoring sessions in math. Particularly Algebra. It seems my braincells did not retain everything from high school -- go figure! ;)

We have gotten through it. We're in round three of Algebra now with child number three. He's having a hard time grasping a certain aspect at the moment and is getting a bit frustrated with himself. My job is to keep on going... to cajole, cheer and urge him on as needed. It's also my job to figure out just what might do the trick to help it all click and come together.

During all the frustrations with math I've been asked over and over: "What good is this going to do me in life? How will I ever use this again?"

My answer? You probably won't. But you might.

Sometimes learning is for the sake of learning, itself. In the case of Algebra -- often the bain of my existence -- the main thing you are learning is to think logically.

Logical thinkers have a much better chance in life as a whole. They can be rational. They can think through a process from point A to point B and actually find an answer.
They can follow those annoying directions when putting together IKEA furniture and bicycles.

So when something difficult comes along, I try to remember what I learned in Algebra class ... and the lessons I've learned in teaching it to my own children. No, I don't really care what X equals -- but on the other hand, it does feel good to actually figure it out. To actually push myself beyond my own comfort zone.

Learning is so vital to both our minds and self-esteem. And yet, when you're trying to solve quadratic equations, it often feels like torture. Unless you happen to be like our child #5 who seems to have gift for numbers and LOVES math! He's a year ahead in the subject.

Yeah. He definitely gets it from his father. ;)

I've been interviewed!

Stop by Make-believe Mondays and check out my latest interview. :)

Men, and why I adore them...

It seems so easy to get into a rant about men. How dumb they can be. How confusing they are, etc. But I think I need to take a moment and let everyone know that I adore them. All men -- not just the cover-model gorgeous ones or the movie stars I sigh over.

Okay, let me qualify that a tiny bit ... I adore good men. Those with a sense of honor and integrity. Those who do what they have to do without complaining about it day in and day out. The ones who are tough, yet tear up when his child does something special or the family pet is laid to rest.

Those are the ones I truly appreciate.

Of course, I have my own special man. He's honest, hardworking, has a quirky sense of humor and is very intelligent. He loves and supports me though he doesn't always understand just what it is I do... especially how I manage to do it. He's the first to brag and often the last to get any attention himself. He's a loyal husband and friend; a wonderful father; a good man; and I teasingly call him my oldest child. (Not going for browny points here, he doesn't read my blog. LOL!)

I was recently asked why the heroes in romance novels are always young, tall, well-muscled, with lots of hair and great looks. I hesitate to reply because the reply sounds sexist. It really does. But in general, that is a woman's fantasy and I'm writing for them. Just as the totally hot, thin babe in every James Bond film is the fantasy of most men.

But I think if you look beyond the physical, you'll see a lot of 'real' men in my heroes. They have flaws, weaknesses. They often say exactly the wrong thing as well as the right one. The latter is because they have me writing the dialogue. ;)

They are men with pasts -- with things they wished they had done differently. They are often brave and completely fearless to the untrained eye. Yet, the heroine scares them to death. They make mistakes. And yes, they always wind up with the girl. Like I said, this a fantasy -- a woman's fantasy. A romance.

Just because I idealize men in my books, it doesn't mean I look down on all the real, slightly overweight and balding men out there. Quite the contrary! And if I could get away with using such heroes ... or without describing them at all, then I would. But I just don't know if it would work. Correction -- if I could make it work.

Women tend to internalize words and images. Romance novels feed the imagination, the heart with the sensual image of a man and woman together. It makes us long for love and all that comes with it. It makes us hope, if even for a moment, for that happy ending in our own lives.

So I feed the fantasy as I offer up heroes with six-pack abs and thick, dark hair. Maybe I'll become a better writer someday, and offer those same visions with merely the color of his eyes and hair, leaving the rest to the imagination alone.

Until then, I'll write the fantasies. I'll let my heroine conquer her bad-boy, rough-edged hero. I'll help the reader remember what that blush of first love felt like...and maybe inspire them to re-light the spark with their own knight in burnished armor.

But I couldn't accomplish any of this without men -- real men for me to base the most important characteristics upon: honesty... integrity... humor... compassion.

So while I might roll my eyes and implore the heavens: "What on earth was he thinking?" ... Always know that this woman does appreciate the good guys out there. My good guy, in particular. Obviously so, because I chose to live most of my adult life with him. :)

The problem with convenience

Let me first say that wireless Internet was a necessity in our home. We have four children currently in cyber-school -- all with their own laptops and their own schedules. It would be impossible to have each of them hooked up to one router in our schoolroom. For one thing, the noise would make it hard to concentrate. For another, our schoolroom isn't the most comfortable room in the house -- particularly during cold Pennsylvania winters.

So the wireless router was installed. It's great -- not perfect, but great. The signal isn't always what I'd like it to be, but it does enable the children to fan out and enjoy some measure of comfort while they attend virtual classes. Yes, they really do have the life. ;)

I've also found that this wondrous, wireless connection is my downfall. When I first got my laptop -- still in love with it, btw -- I got a lot of work done in my bedroom. I couldn't go on-line, so it made my choices simple: write or play Freecell. Freecell gets old fast. I got quite a bit of work done.

Then I connected. At first it was great. Look! I can check my email from here, I don't have to wait until later when the desktop is available. Nice.

Then I realized I could update my website, too. And change my Facebook page. Even twitter. Oh, I'd better check that FB game, my crops may need harvesting. Oh, that looks like fun.

I'd get back to the wip and suddenly hit a wall. Well, I'll take a break. One game won't hurt. I have to re-check my email, something important might come up.

And so it went ... until I found that convenient wireless Internet became my downfall. My crutch for avoiding work.

Of course, the writer's block I've been experiencing has its roots elsewhere. I can't blame the Internet or the little signal bouncing around the walls of my home. But I also can't help but wonder if I might have gotten over it more quickly if procrastination hadn't been made so easy?

What color is your sky?

Blogged today about point of view, imagination.

Beyond the Veil

Romance Junkies

I'll be chatting tonight at Romance Junkies along with two other Samhain authors. I'm sure there will be plenty of prizes, excerpts and fun for everyone involved. Come on by and join us from 9-10 p.m. (EDT)!

FYI: You'll need the latest version of Java to join in.

My inspiration...

Is over at Shades of Suspense. Pop on over and take a look. ;)

We also have a few new voices on board at that blog. Please check out these wonderful new writers and their stories.

A sad goodbye...

There aren't many movie stars that impress me. Most of them wind up with their sordid affairs, addictions and broken marriages plastered on the front page of every magazine and tabloid in existence. At times, it's difficult to see past the very frail human being to the talent within. But such is the expense of fame.

One actor who through the years managed to hold on to his 'good guy' image was Patrick Swayze. He blazed onto the screen in DIRTY DANCING as the classic hero from the wrong side of the tracks. Yet, he managed to play the character as endearing, even a little shy and insecure. He was the diamond in the rough. The bad boy every girl lusts after but knows in her heart will never be good for her. The bad boy who, in the end, stood up for his girl.

Through that film he imparted in his audience the love of ballroom dancing. He showed us the beauty and passion within the steps. He proved that yes, even real men can and do dance. I watch DIRTY DANCING every time I discover it on television. I sigh and dream and simply fall in love all over again.

Swayze went on to act in many forgettable movies, but managed at least one other big hit, the classic GHOST. Again, he played the vulnerable hero who could never say "I love you" out loud. Again, he stole our hearts ... the ending shattering them into tiny pieces.

Swayze, 57, died Monday evening. And so our hearts are saddened once more. We've all heard of his struggle with pancreatic cancer. We've all seen him age almost before our eyes as the disease ravaged his body. Yet when he smiled I found myself transported back to those scenes of him teaching 'Baby' how to dance and what it really meant to love.

We hoped this particular good guy would win his battle with cancer. But it wasn't meant to be. Rest in peace, Patrick. Your talent, your eternal youth, your smile will be missed.

Illusion or reality?

"Better a dish of illusion and a hearty appetite for life, than a feast of reality and indigestion therewith." ~~Henry A. Overstreet

I have to agree most days.

I'd rather deal with illusion than jump into an unhappy reality. Although I will admit my own personal reality is not that bad. We have our ups and downs, our problems as a couple and as a family. But for the most part, we're happy. In a general sense, we are where we want to be in life. We simply do our best, rely in faith, in each other, and everything seems to work out for the best. Eventually. ;)

But when I read for pleasure, I'd rather have the illusion. Oh, sure, I want the essence of reality with a good mystery -- a murder or two -- a frightening character who goes 'bump' in the night. Afterward, I need the happy ending. The 'happy ever after' we grew so accustomed to in modern fairy tales. I say modern, because we all know those characters in the Grimm versions rarely lived on...let alone happily.

That's also how I prefer to write. My characters may go to hell and back -- even literally -- but the reader always knows that somehow, somewhere, they will persevere and beat the demons. Yes, those can be literal, too ... depending on the story.

So think about it -- which do you prefer? Happy illusion or sour reality? Which do you prefer to entertain yourself with?

Idling on by

"It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do." (Jerome K. Jerome)

If you think about it for a moment, you'll realize that's probably true. However, I tend to be in an opposite camp. After "idling", I'm more apt to feel guilt than any type of pleasure.

But that begs the question of why is it so easy to put things off -- to do one thing, when you're supposed to be doing other things? Is it merely a lack of self-discipline, or is there something of greater depth involved?

In my case, I believe my procrastinatin is due, in large, to the fear of failure. I don't want to make the same mistakes with this story as I did the last. I want this story to be just as good ... no, better than the previous one. But when you're the writer, it isn't easy to judge your own work. Some days everything is good -- other days it stinks. A lot depends on your mood.

The bottom line -- I need to write. I need to stay away from Facebook and Farkle and Super Poke Pets and do what I do best -- tell another story. Only then will I, personally, be able to 'idle' with some peace of mind.

Characters and writing

Blogged at Shades of Suspense today. :)